Me Log: How I came to be Pyratical

19 days out from Mad Wizard Isle

I've decided to keep me a log recorded me life at sea. As this is the first such thing I's ever attempted I best be lettin' you know some'at about me.
Me name is Jenna Siren Swinesdottir. I was born in the Redlands in the hamlet of Derry. Me Da and Ma where farmers, pigfarmers, Hoogle and Omma Swiner by name. Me family had been carin' for hogs for generations, and as successful at it as the Gods would allow us. Me Ma had her seventeen children of which I was he fifteenth, the next two along were both maids like me'self, Merrel and Tandy though only Tandy lived. Most of the others were lads built like me Da. Fouteen brothers and full nine who reached their maturity. "Since so many a ye' brats sees fit to keep breathin' we must add to our livelyhood" said me Da when I was two years old. He done so and began to take in lodgers.

Hellum is me eldest brother and will inherit the land, though he and Kavril has has a set to o'er it. Kaveril is next in line and wants not to be an innkeeper sayin' Hellum is better at talking to folk. This is true but Hellum is the eldest. The others are, after Kavril to me again, Besser, Vondar, Hoggle Junior, Tullivor (he's the seventh son and is 'prenticed to Mandrake the Mage) Bertram and Ommarty. Ommarty has three years on me and can be a fair bully though he taught me well how to swing a cudgel. What with me havin' to hit him so oft with one for crawlin into me bunk.

Me upbringing where pleasant enough though I were never one for knittin' or ought. I preferred me the wilder life and spent much of my time with the sailors who took lodging with us. They told me all the stories of the sea and the good pirates who protected sailors and ought from villainy. They taught me to be ever watchful, how to know the weather by the ring on the sun, how to tie a proper knot and all. When I turned me sixteenth summer I set out for the wharfs intent on joining a ship. I had heard tell that the Great Pyrate Shannahan was at dock and I set me cap for a berth on his ship. I marched me up to the table and bespoke my name to the mate a taken names and before I could e'en tell him of me sword prowess he told me to shove off as, "We need know wenches or drabs on this vessel."

I can tell ye' it saddened me sore and I dragged me sorry carcus to the nearest inn to slake my sorrows. Now in this tavern were several of Shannhan's crew a drinkin' and dicein', tough I knowed it not. I was nursin' me fifth tankard, havin' pulled hard on the first four, when I right nasty cove plunked his arse on the bench next to me and said,"Wha'cha weepin for lassy?". I almost blacked his eye for defamin' me character so, with the weepin' and all, but I did not. Instead I told him of me desire to sail with Shannahan and how I'ld been put off without e'en a fair hearing. Then the cove, Daggon were his name, and a fearsome orcish visge he had to him, said that I was but a slip of a girl and no-one would take me serious for a sailor and mate. I gazed at his cruel features and knew he had the right of it. I knew in an instant, I had not the look of seasoned salt about me. I thought for a trice about the sailors I'ld known who were the most fearsome and piratical with their missing limbs, eyes and teeth. I knew in a twinkling what I would need to do to show my resolve.

I spied a powerful large knife at Daggon's belt. I had it out afore he knew of it and without thinking no-more on it I had off my right hand at the wrist. I turned to Daggon and said, "Now all I need's is a hook on this and Shanahan will know I am a mate of the bravest and most piratical". I could see in Daggon's eyes though that it were not enough. I asked him, "Daggon, ya ken that the hook is no enough? I could have me leg off as well and totter about on a wooden pin, though it would put me swordsmanship to the test. Mayhap I should have out an eye and cover it with a patch? What think ye?" Afore I could put his sticker to me blinker there was a blinding flash and when next I awoke I was laid out on a rollin deck with a crew of cut-throats round about me, starin' into the face of Cp'n Shannahan his own self.

"So lass" says he, "Ye hacked off your own good right hand to join my crew, my lads Daggon and Murgosis here tell me. Now what were the use of that? Ya Redland clothheaded wench, what good is a slattern like ye' to me without e'en teh means to defend yourself?" I knew not what to say for a moment then I leaped to me pins knicked the sword from the sash of a fair cove and spun it round a bout me. "Who says I can no defend meself?" Some big blighter with horns pokin' out of his head rushed at me and I pinned his hand to the mast with a poke of the pigsticker I had. Without thinkin' on it I swung me left at his snout and that was when I discovered I had a hook growin' out of me right wrist. I rang that cow's bell for him. Afore he could rage up and tear me to pieces Shanahan's big mate had the sword out a me hand and was holdin' off the Morgosis bloke, him with the horns whose hand I'ld made a port hole of.

"Well" says Shanahan, "Your a helion and no mistake. If ye can show some shipcraft ye can have a berth?" I spent the afternoon with Squee and by eight bells I was a mate aboard the Bloody Cutlass.